Chasing Forever Read online

  Regan shook her head disbelievingly. “Oh, please. Save the bullshit for someone else. It’s in the past, and that’s where I want it to stay.” Regan reached for the door handle and then paused. “I’ll go with you next week, but not because I want an offer from Martin and Black. Well, not as long as you’re here anyway. I’m going so I’ll know what you’re thinking when I’m sitting at that opposing counsel’s table.” With that, she opened the door and left.

  As he watched her walk out of his office with her head held high, he knew he deserved every ounce of her anger and more. He’d totally fucked up with Regan, and he couldn’t lay all the blame at Olivia’s feet even if he wanted to. The long overdue realization shredded him. He had to fix this.

  Chapter Ten

  “I. Do. Not. Want. To. Go.”

  Regan stretched out on her sofa with her legs on the coffee table while she and Parker shared a pizza.

  Parker tilted his head to the side. “So don’t go. What’s the big deal? You said you didn’t want to work there after this summer. Stop sweating it.”

  Parker had texted her after work asking if she wanted to grab something for dinner. Still fuming from her confrontation with Lucas, she didn’t feel liking going out, but she suggested pizza and a movie at her place instead.

  “But I still need a reference,” she whined. “I can’t walk away from this summer empty handed.”

  Parker shrugged as he folded a slice of pizza in half lengthwise. “Contract a sudden illness, or better yet, invent a family emergency. If he’s mad, come work with me at the District Attorney’s office. It’d be fun. You might even change your mind and decide you want to be a prosecutor.”

  “Lucas wouldn’t believe it. He knows I don’t want to go with him.”

  “Who cares what he thinks. Lucas is an asshole.”

  “Now that’s a true statement if I’ve ever heard one.” She laughed and then took a bite of her pizza.

  Parker touched her chin with his napkin. “You had cheese.”

  “Oh,” she said, smiling, enjoying the way he looked at her as though she were special. “Thanks,” she added. Then he leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. It was an easy, comfortable kiss, just like him.

  “So, I’ve been meaning to ask you about something,” he said, his blue eyes shining at her.

  “Okay.” Regan froze. She didn’t want to answer any more questions about Lucas. She told Parker she didn’t like Lucas because he had mistreated a friend in college or something vague like that. She complained that she didn’t trust him, and she couldn’t imagine spending time alone with him in Colorado. He didn’t question her further. He just accepted her statement. She liked that about him. He was easy, uncomplicated, and sincere unlike someone else she knew.

  Looking at her expectantly, Parker lifted one of his arms and stretched it out along the top of the couch behind her. “My older brother got engaged last month, and my parents are throwing an engagement party in a couple weeks. I’d like you to go with me as my date.”

  Wow. Meeting the parents. It felt a little fast. She’d known Parker for two years, but they’d only been on two dates and the first one ended abruptly with an entire glass of beer on her blouse. “Are you sure? It seems a little premature. We don’t know each other that well.”

  “I'm not a random guy you met at a bar. We’ve know each other for two years,” he responded, looking at her fondly. “Don’t get freaked out. I didn’t ask you to marry me. It’s just a date.”

  “To meet your family at your parents’ house.”

  Parker laughed. “Don’t think of it that way. Over a hundred people will be there. I’ll introduce you to my parents, but that’s it, no interrogation, and no sharing intimate life details. The experience will be completely stress-free. I promise.”

  “I don’t know,” she said skeptically, her stomach clenching. She wanted to take things slow.

  “You’re not going to force me to go to this event dateless, are you? I’ve already told my family I was dating someone, and if you don’t show, I’ll never hear the end of it. They already think I’m a hopeless law nerd,” he teased.

  She rolled her eyes. She could do this. It wasn’t a big deal. She needed to move beyond her phobia of relationships and Parker seemed like the perfect guy to help her with that. “Okay, I’ll go, but only to save you from being stuck in perpetual law nerd status.”

  Parker leaned in and kissed her, quickly and gently. “Thanks, I feel better now that I know pity works to manipulate you. I like knowing people’s weaknesses.”

  Two hours later, Regan kissed Parker goodnight and locked her front door. As she cleaned up the mess from dinner, she thought about her relationship with Parker and the pending trip to Colorado with Lucas.

  Parker put everything out there. Unlike Lucas, she didn’t believe Parker had a hidden agenda. He liked her and she liked him. He had a good head on his shoulders and she could never imagine him hurting her. Dating him was simple, pleasant, and easy. There was that word again, easy. But she needed easy because making it through the summer at Martin and Black would be anything but easy.

  She decided to tell Lucas she couldn’t go on the trip with him early tomorrow morning. She wouldn’t lie or make up some excuse as Parker suggested. She couldn’t invent an excuse more compelling than the truth. After all, she and Lucas didn’t need any more lies. She didn’t think Lucas would be in favor of airing their dirty laundry in front of Richard or any of the other partners, so he probably wouldn’t fight her decision or sell her out. Crawling into bed later that night, she felt good about her conclusion. As she closed her eyes, she prayed Annabelle hadn’t already purchased airline tickets.

  Chapter Eleven

  No such luck. Five minutes after she sat at her desk the following morning, Annabelle walked in with a printed confirmation of their flight information and a double shot cappuccino in the other.

  “Here’s your flight information. The cappuccino with one packet of raw sugar is from Lucas.” Annabelle placed the flight information in her inbox and handed her the cappuccino.

  “Oh, okay,” Regan replied, taking the drink out of Annabelle’s hand. She didn’t like Lucas buying her coffee two days in a row. She didn’t want anything from Lucas except for him to leave her alone for the rest of the summer, but that wasn’t going happen. Maybe it would be better if they agreed to communicate solely by email. She liked the email Lucas better than the real Lucas. Via email she could convince herself that she hated his dimpled smile and his Mr. Dreamy eyes. In person, it wasn’t as simple.

  “Richard hasn’t approved Lucas’s lodging proposal, but I will give you that information when the arrangements are finalized.”

  “If Richard has a problem with the hotel expense, Lucas can stay where he wants, and I’ll stay wherever. I’m not picky.” Entirely different hotels would be ideal. That way, she could minimize the time spent with Lucas. “In fact, I don’t understand why Lucas wants me to go. I can stay here.”

  Annabelle raised her eyebrows. “Richard wants you to go. It was his idea, and as for lodging arrangements, expense is not the issue. All expenses and costs are billed to the client.”

  “Then what’s the issue?” Regan tore off the corner of the sugar packet and dumped it in her cappuccino. Then she took a sip. She loved her morning cappuccino.

  “Lucas wants you guys to stay in his family’s vacation home. It’s an hour drive from the mine.”

  Regan choked on her cappuccino and covered her mouth praying she’d caught any dribbles before they dripped on her light pink blouse. “I’d rather stay at a hotel.” She hoped the words didn’t sound as panicked as she felt. She knew all about the family vacation home, and there was no way she’d be caught dead there. That was Olivia’s territory and she didn’t want to be anywhere in that woman’s orbit regardless of whether she’d be there. She was a poisonous viper.

  “I’ll talk to Lucas about it.” She turned to leave and then stopped and looked over her sho
ulder. “I almost forgot. Lucas wants to see you in his office at eleven-thirty.”

  Regan bit back her retort and smiled while telling herself not to shoot the messenger. Lucas was setting her up for something. She didn’t have any clue what he wanted this time, but experience taught her that getting close to Lucas Evanston wasn’t a good thing, no matter how charming or thoughtful he appeared on the surface.

  After reading the same three cases twenty times in the last four or so hours, she finally gave up and made her way down the hall to Lucas’s office. Maybe he could meet with her earlier. She couldn’t take the anxiety any longer.

  When she reached his office, Lucas had the phone to his ear with his back facing the door to the office. Taking his previous words to heart, she moved to push the door open and walk in rather than hover near the door when she heard her name.

  “Olivia, I can’t make it.” Lucas ran his hands through the air and shook his head. “Yes. I know I promised, but I have to go out of town for work.” He chuckled. “Don’t be so hard on me. Yes, I got it—same place and day the following week. See you then.”

  He disconnected the phone, and Regan watched as he entered the information into his calendar. She felt physically ill. Now that she had confirmation he still talked to Olivia, she really wanted the summer to end, even more than before. She would have never guessed that she’d live to regret the day she accepted the summer associate position at Martin and Black. She’d been so excited that she didn’t ask enough questions, particularly who would mentor her for the summer. At the time, she didn’t care. Boy was she stupid.

  She took a deep breath and walked into his office. “You wanted to see me?” she asked with raised eyebrows.

  “Regan, sit down,” he answered as he turned to face her.

  “I’ll stand.” She folded her arms across her chest.

  Lucas tapped his pen on his desk and studied her. “I’d prefer you sit.”

  She plopped into the chair farthest from him and refolded her arms across her chest, acting nonchalant, but her heart was beating so fast she feared he could see it.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

  She tapped her foot on the floor. Just yesterday, he pleaded his innocence in the whole Olivia debacle. What a liar. “So you still talk to Olivia,” she commented.

  “I do.”

  She bit her lip hard to stifle the anger and disappointment those two words caused. She could yell at him, but in the end it didn’t matter. He chose Olivia over her long ago. There wasn’t anything else to discuss and no conceivable reason for her disappointment. She shouldn’t have expected anything else from him, and if she had for even one tiny moment, then it was her fault—not his.

  She exhaled loudly. “You know my mom’s really ill. She has…an illness that makes her tired and unable to do some stuff.” Oh, that sounded brilliant. “I can’t go next week. My mom needs me to take her to a couple doctors’ appointments. I have to fly home. Sorry about the short notice, but it couldn’t be avoided.”

  Lucas leaned back in his chair and didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He just stared at her as though she were a bug in his office.

  “I really wish I could go with you, but my mom doesn’t have anyone else.” Regan lifted one shoulder and then let it drop dramatically. “I’ll be available by email, and I’ll take my laptop so I don’t fall behind.”

  “Uh huh, what’s her diagnosis?”

  She looked at her lap unable to make eye contact as she studied the folds in her skirt. “I’d rather not share. My mom’s really private and it’s not my story or my health issue.”

  Lucas leaned forward and braced his elbows on his cluttered maple desk. A faint smiled teased the corners of his lips. “Regan, I don’t believe you.”

  It took a moment for his response to sink in. “What?” She stood up so fast she knocked over her chair.

  “I don’t believe you,” he repeated. His faint smile grew into one of those huge dimpled smiles she used to love. Now she hated it, hated him.

  “Do you want me to bring in a note from her doctor?” She couldn’t get one. Her mom wasn’t sick, but she hated that Lucas called her bluff. Why couldn’t he leave her alone? He already humiliated her once, wasn’t that sufficient?

  “No. I don’t want a fake doctor’s note. I want you to go with me to Colorado. I need your help.”

  Her mouth opened and closed quickly. She paced back and forth in front of his desk and then she stopped abruptly with her hands on her hips. “Why can’t you and Olivia leave me alone? I don’t get it. Hurting me doesn’t hurt my dad. He doesn’t care about my life. I talk to him three times a year—Christmas, his birthday, and my birthday. Tell Olivia to come up with some other plan or better yet tell her to get a life and stop interfering in mine.”

  Lucas grabbed his gray suit jacket off the back of his chair and walked over to her. “Let’s go to lunch.”

  “No. I thought I could do this, but I can’t work here, with you.” She flung her arms dramatically into the air. “I quit. Don’t worry, I’ll explain everything to Richard.”

  “You’ll ruin your career before it starts.” Lucas slid one arm into his suit jacket and then the other.

  “Richard will understand and if he doesn’t, Parker said he could get me an internship in the District Attorney’s office. I don’t need this job, and I don’t have to stay in San Francisco either. I have options.” She hated the thought of practicing criminal law, but anything beat working with Lucas, especially with Olivia in the picture.

  Lucas looked out his open office door, and Regan followed his gaze. A couple secretaries were whispering outside the office. Great, now everyone would be gossiping about this disagreement. She hated gossip. By the end of the day, everyone would think they were sleeping together or worse.

  Lucas put his hand on her back and leaned toward her, invading her space and her sanity. She could smell his spicy scent and his minty breath. She remembered sleeping in his t-shirts years ago, so she could smell that smell all around her and feel like he was with her even when he wasn’t. When everything fell apart, she kept his t-shirts for a couple months thinking, in some irrational part of her mind, those shirts might have the answers he never offered. When she came to terms with the fact he had used her, she had burned the t-shirts with her mom in some cleansing ritual—her mom’s idea, not hers.

  “We have an audience,” he whispered. “Come to lunch with me so we can talk about this in private.”

  “Fine,” she responded through clenched teeth, then pasted an elaborately fake smile on her face. She pushed his hand off her back and walked out of his office with her head held high telling the world and all those nosy secretaries that she didn’t have anything hide.

  Chapter Twelve

  Regan sat at a small two-top table in the corner of a seafood restaurant across from Lucas. Neither of them had said a word on the walk here and now she studied the menu as though she’d be tested on the content later. Lunch would cost more than a week of groceries. Lucas better be planning to pay this bill.

  She wished they were at a loud restaurant so she could ignore him. Instead, Lucas picked a place with quiet music and white table linens.

  “Regan?” Lucas prompted.

  “Huh?” Regan replied without looking at him. She turned over her menu to read about the drinks on the back, not that she planned to order a drink, but it gave her something to do other than look at him.

  Lucas snatched the menu out of her hand and placed it on top of his. “Look at me.”

  “I haven’t decided what to order.” Regan held out her hand. “Give it back.”

  “You were studying the drink menu, and you’re not ordering a drink.”

  “I’m not? Are you sure about that, because I wouldn’t mind a glass of wine or two right about now.”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Fine. Then, I’ll study the food portion of the menu.” She waved the fingers of her still outstr
etched hand.

  “Not necessary. We’re both having the seafood cioppino.”

  “No thank you. I hate seafood.”

  “You love seafood.” Lucas smiled. “Remember that little restaurant with the red and white table clothes you loved? You ordered the clam linguine every time we went there. You would never let me take you anywhere else for lunch.”

  Regan bit her lower lip. She didn’t want talk about their past. All those good memories were tainted by deceit. “Fine, then I hate soup, particularly tomato based soups.”

  “You’ll love this.” Lucas handed the menu to the waiter. “Two bowls of the cioppino and two house salads, dressing on the side on one.”

  “On top is fine,” Regan interrupted. She always ordered her dressing on the side. She hated it any other way, but she didn’t want Lucas to think he still knew her preferences. Conceding she still loved a double shot cappuccino, dry with one bag of raw sugar, and clam linguine was disconcerting enough.

  Lucas frowned, then turned toward the waiter. “Dressing on top of both.”

  With the menu gone, Lucas wouldn’t postpone their conversation any longer, so she decided to beat him to it. “Lucas, this isn’t going to work. I think it will benefit both of us if I accepted the position at the District Attorney’s office.”

  Lucas reached for the white linen napkin and placed it in his lap. “You don’t want to practice criminal law. An internship at the D.A.’s office would be a complete waste of time.”

  Regan knew that. She didn’t need him to point it out to her. She already felt sick to her stomach about having to give up one more thing because Lucas walked into her life six and a half years ago and turned it upside down. She shrugged, feigning indifference. “Not your problem.”